This is a hard time of year for me. It’s filled with defeated moments. Five years ago today I had to drop all my classes because I was too sick to keep up after being hospitalized. The unknown then is now very much know as Chronic Pancreatitis.
Two years ago I was in the hospital in Nashville after having fought so hard to be better. I was finally going to my dream school. I had a good group of friends. I’d also started taking on some pretty cool opportunities.
I’d had surgery six months before that was supposed to “fix” my liver and pancreas issues. I don’t regret that surgery it saved my liver. It was defeating to then at the end of the semester to be forced to come back home to regroup and get answers.
It took a long time and suffering to get that Chronic Pancreatitis diagnosis. Now though the treatment has been very effective and most days I can eat without pain.
Then as many of you know in December there another shoe that dropped. A routine eye exam led to yet another setback.
It’s been a hard year. Multiple brain MRI’s CT scans and more needles than I can count. In the form of spinal taps, blood draws, and IV’s.
Psudo Tumor Cerebri, what’s that?! It’s when your brain is drowning in spinal fluid to the point it mimics a brain tumor. You get all the symptoms. Vision loss, headache, balance issues, relentless vomiting, pain.
I have surgery scheduled for Wednesday. To place a shunt and alleviate the pressure on my brain. I’ve never looked forward to surgery the way I’m looking forward to this it means hope and relief.
Yesterday, in preparation for that surgery my best friend shaved my head. We had fun with it, it was a freeing experience. We carved the name of my favorite song and a butterfly in the side of my head. It was my turn to take control. I’m donating my hair because if it had to go it might as well do some good!
So what’s next? I really don’t know. I hope getting back to Nashville. Living life that doesn’t include constant pain. A boyfriend? (Really hoping for that). Graduating college and building a life I’m proud of.
For now though it’s one day at a time. One foot in front of the other. Remembering that somedays it’s okay to just survive because that means there’s most likely a tomorrow.
Live a good story