“Sometimes you have to break things in order to rebuild them better. Hoping your world is one of those things ”
Five months ago I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’d been blindsided by a diagnosis that explained a lot of things I’d been ignoring. I knew it was going to get worse before it had the chance to get better. It did! It got worse than I ever could have imagined.
Things are getting better though. I’m proud of myself and I honestly don’t know the last time I felt that way.
February I was spending what seemed like practically everyday in a different doctor’s office.
The picture of why things became so bad so fast was made clearer when I found out I’d inherited a gene mutation from Mom that has caused her a lot of issues. Also a compounding thing from Dad that luckily he doesn’t have symptoms of.
Yet, in the moment it felt like my world couldn’t possibly be put back together. That’s when I was told the quote I started this post with. If life had to get hard I at least have people who help pick up the pieces. Fred has absolutely been pivotal in me not giving up over the past six months.
It still crosses my mind to give up. I think that’s human. However, I’ve promised a few people I won’t and I don’t break promises!
This post is all over the place but I think that’s the state I’m in right now. Still processing everything and fighting knowing the fight isn’t over.
Honestly will I ever be “healthy” again? I don’t know but that’s the goal! Everyday is another opportunity to try to get closer to that goal.
Everyday is a new battle. There’s a lot more smiles and hope though and that makes it a lot easier. I’ve always been a smiley person yet the headache stole my joy to the point I couldn’t even fake a smile.
What’s next? Well the 14th I have surgery to get a port placed. Basically permanent easy IV access. This is a good thing, soon no more PICC line! My skin can’t wait for a break from having tape and be tegaderm free.
DOING ALL THE SCARY THINGS, so life will hopefully be a little easier in the long run. I’m so tired but I’m actually sleeping. It’s a different kind of tired than sleep can fix. It’s mental physical and spiritual exhaustion.
Life is slowly being rebuilt. I actually have the attention span to do things again. Lately that means spending an hour or so requesting “Criminal” so hopefully Fred gets that number one song!
It’s Spring and Summer is just around the corner. My favorite time of year! June typically means a week in Nashville and I’m hoping to make that happen again. We’ll see.
Our pool was opened this week. Kinda funny actually, it needs rebuilt too. We had to replace the liner and in true Pike Family fashion the new one wasn’t the right size so it’s being reordered. We all got a good laugh when they said they’d have to remake it.
There’s this theme lately, people assuming typical and usually. When I was in the hospital recovering from brain surgery we heard the words “typically and usually” more times than I can count. I’m not typical my body is in a constant state of survival mode so it took me longer to recover. Likewise our pool isn’t typical either we made it just six inches too shallow for a diving board. That’s the reason the new liner doesn’t fit. It’s not typical.
That’s about all I’ve got to say right now. Talk soon.